The "5th" leg

I stumbled upon this lovely Youtube video on yesterday's headline article at Cracked.com which is titled "5 Animals That Can Do Amazing Things...with Their Penises". I think the blog title sort of gave it away, but if you're sexually retarded then I'm sure this video will give you the education your mom and dad should have given you.

"Uh, yeah, it kind of turns horrifying toward the end, with his dick twirling around like a tentacle, trying to find the sweet spot on his elephant lover. Elephants are so big they find it tricky to line up their genitals and thrust rhythmically so what'll happen is the Babar will mount Celeste and just stand there while his super-penis feels around." (Cracked)

Yeah, I know. I'm twisted. But don't blame me if you decided to click it.

Fishing Bloopers

Peace out Nick Wong

Ladies, as you can see here this magnificent beast has just been unleashed...to the highlands and lush greens of the country we know as Norway.

I'm sure you'll make me proud by sexually conquering Norway's tall, blonde and beautiful women. Just make sure you'll mention me in there somewhere and soften them up for me just in case I decide to drop by.

Good luck Nick and Jason!

Photocred: Jason Mader

Asian Girlfriend Destroys PS3

Quite possibly one of the funniest things I've seen in the world of viral videos is a WHILE! Oh man!

Highlight of the video: "Can you get me a drink, ya?"

Outcome: PS3 Ownage!

I'm sorry ladies, but this is just psychotic. If you have a problem with your man playing with video games instead of playing with you, then you need to give him a reason to want you.

Regardless, this shit is hilarious.

Essential #4: 13 " Aluminum Unibody Macbook Pro

I know, i know...I'm one of "those guys" - the Apple lover/whore/elitist/the guy who can't shut up about how crappy the new Windows 7 is (I personally like it actually). But I wasn't like this before. In fact, there was a point in my life where I was pro-Windows. I always thought anyone who owned an Apple computer/laptop were technologically illiterate or were simply bought in by Apple's undeniably sexy looks and the skewed, simplistic commercials where the guy from Jeeper's Creepers and Dodgeball tells me why Macs are better than PCs. Here's one of the many 'brillant' ads that have convinced many dumb blondes (and apparently me) alike that Mac is the way to go. Apparently Mac just makes everything sexier?

As much as I wanted to punch a hole in Justin Long's face everytime I saw him attempt to convince me and millions of viewers that Macs are the way to go, I somehow (and I still actually don't know how) caved in. I know its not because of these stupid ads, but I think was more of the fact that Windows has continuously failed me when I needed it the most. Let me illustrate:

It was the summer of 2008, and I was tirelessly working on a ecology lab report that was due in about three days. As I wrote my final concluding remarks, I thought to myself "Hey...this shit actually sounds good...and since I'm almost done, I'll take a little break and play some Xbox". I leave my computer, and after 2 hours of sweaty, sexual gaming, I come back to see the infamous "blue screen of death". I freak out and curse Microsoft Windows forever! As a result, I had to redo my paper ALL OVER AGAIN. Thankfully, I had a rough copy stored in one of my e-mail accounts just in case something like that happened.

You thought that story was fucked? Just go ask anyone who has tempered with Windows and I assure you that there are far worse. The funny thing about my scenario is that it HAPPENED BEFORE. I decided to let it slide because I managed to system restore it, but after this incident I had fucking enough.

And so I got the Macbook Pro, and let me tell you - It is everything that faggoty Justin Long says and MORE! Stability, looks, ease of use, speed, performance. Just everything a laptop should be, unlike its Windows cousins. The only con that I can list out is the price. At a base price of about $1200 CAD for the 13 "model to about $2000 for the 17", it does dig deep into your pockets. BUT rest assured, it's all worth it. Many of my friends who own macbooks have had it for all 4 years of their university career and not ONCE has it failed them. I did have some problems with my office suite because I switched to the new Snow Leopard OS, but Apple does a GREAT job in terms of support. They come out with solutions through their updates almost immediately. In terms of programs and gaming, Bootcamp solves that problem by allowing you to switch to a Windows OS if you need to use Windows-only games or programs. It comes with EVERY Mac.

Convinced? You should be, especially if you've had problems with Windows. If I've done any better of a job as Justin Long has through his irritating commercials, go grab a Macbook or iMac at your local Apple retailer or online like I did!

Top 10 Jordan Dunks

A reminder again of who is the greatest basketball player of all time....OF ALL TIME (in Kanye West's voice)!

Essential #3: Sperry Topsider Boat Shoes

Hey fellas, what's the very first thing you do when you get home after a long day of walking, drinking, studying, or seducing by that matter? Well If the latter applies to you and you've manage to reel in some fish then I'm sure you'll have other things to "do"...BUT for the most of us, the first thing we do is we take off our shoes. After we take off our shoes, we take off those bloody things that are suppose to keep our feet and toes nice and cushiony but in fact restrain them from the freedom that it truly needs. Socks - quite possibly the bane of my existence. And yes my fellow dudes, I know you hate them as much as i do.

But how do we sock-hating folk find the proper footwear that appeals to both our fashion sense and our feet? Flip-flops are one of the solutions, but it certainly doesn't keep them warm for long because once winter or even fall roll around, our feet get cold faster than 50 cent's acting career.

So what is the answer? Boat shoes! Specifically Sperry Topsider brand original boat shoes. Why? Because socks are optional! Matter of fact, they look better without them! They can also be worn all season round, with 75% of the time allowing you the option of no socks - winter obviously doesn't permit that but you can go sockless if you desire.

These are a true American classic placed along side with cardigans, blue oxford dress shirts, and blue jeans.They have been commonly associated with preppy white boys in the past, but that image has been slightly blurred out and replaced with this:

It seems that hip-hop artists and fashionistas out there have made these babies trendy again, with a huge surge off boat shoe-like shoes from brands like Vans, BBC, and Converse releasing their off spin of the Sperry Topsider's original boat shoe model. However, if you're somewhat old fashion like me and enjoy rocking 'originals', then I recommend the Sperry Topsider brand.

I have 2 boat shoes as of right now and I absolutely love them. They're comfortable and oh so versatile - they can practically be worn on any outfit! At about $100 CAD, these shoes are quite the snag when considering the overall versatility and durability of these babies. Grab a pair from any speciality shoe store boutique like Browns or Townshoes, and let your feet free!

Trippy Lights, Costume Frogs/Bunnys, Psychedelic music = Typical Day for The Flaming Lips

If this isn't the best shit ever done in the world of concerts, then I don't know what is.

Band: The Flaming Lips

Check them out!

Note: Their songs mix well with the following substances/situations: studying, soundtripping (sober or not), alcohol, coffee (LOTS OF IT), rolling down a hill (sober or not), any celebration parties, running really fast, driving really fast, looking through a kaleidoscope (sober or not), looking at abstract art, watching the matrix/donnie darko/willie wonka and the chocolate factory/wizard of oz or alice in wonderland, and basically any activity involving weed.

Tweed Indeed

Perfect for warming up that big ol' empty head of yours, and also matches great with most of your fall/winter outerwear. Just stick with earth tones when sporting these bad boys and you'll definitely get some heads rolling.

"Oliver Twist" Chic

Don't be fooled by name, but the Jay-Z owned label "Artful Dodger" has put out a boot that reflects the old-fashioned grittiness reminiscent of the 1930s, but still 'clean' enough to be able to be worn with a nice grey suit . However, at $265 USD, this fashion label may live up to its thievish ways. Oliver Twist would not be pleased.

You can pick these bad boys up at select Nordstrom stores and www.endless.com

Liz Trinnear the Westerneer

Congratulations to fellow UWO MIT student Liz Trinnear for winning the most recent Much Music VJ search. It was quite obvious based on both her appearance and level of delivery during the challenges and interviews that she was definitely Much Music VJ material. Below is a sample of one of her entertainment news pieces shot at London's very own Jim Bob Ray's, which is known for its ability to attract young, underage western girls and guys alike. The material is pretty stale, but her hotness does a good job at covering it up. Good Luck Liz and stay sexy.

Essential #2: The V Neck T-Shirt

If there's anyone who truly knows me, they should know for a fact that I LOVE V-NECK TEES. I love them so much that I basically have one v-neck t-shirt for almost every color imaginable.

So why do I love them so much? One word - VERSATILITY and OH BABY I'm all about that. Its the one thing that separates this cut of t-shirts from other cuts like the crewneck tee. Let me explain: crew necks look the best by itself or underneath a hoodie or a jacket, but try making a crewneck shirt one of your undershirts when you're rocking ...let's say a dress shirt... and you'll figure out why they suck - it ruins your color swatch of your outfit! The V-neck tee solves that problem by carefully hiding itself underneath that dress shirt or whatever outershirt you have on, which thereby allows you to expose the MANLINESS underneath - I'm talking about that collarbone skin and oh baby does it attract the ladies ESPECIALLY if you got extra au-natural sweater underneath (I'm not kidding LOL)!

Also, v-necks are friggen comfortable! It gives you the same "breezy-ness" feeling as tank tops do but instead it's a t-shirt! Oh man I can ramble on about the epicness of v-necks, but I'm short on time (this is my 'study break'). The v-neck shown here is a heather grey American Apparel V neck. You can get it for about $22 CAD, and it's HONESTLY the best v-neck out there - no competition whatsoever! Perfect fit, excellent quality, and classic looks.

My only advice to any males out there rocking the v-neck - PLEASE DON'T EVER GET THE DEEP V-NECKS. You'll look like a complete douche...and it's gay.

Disclaimer: I got nothing against gays...only deep v neck shirts worn by any males gay or straight. Please don't rock it. Please.

Essential #1: Levis 510s

I've decided that within the next couple weeks/months or so that I will compile a total of 20 essential items that I cannot quite possibly live without. Such items can be anything from clothing, records to childhood memorabilia. Hopefully I will remember to complete this list, but if I don't...well then...I guess i'll work with what i have.

The first essential item that I have just recently discovered around this September is the ever-so-awesome Levis 510 Super Skinny Jeans. Before the 510s, I've been rocking a bunch of other skinny jeans that just simply didn't cut it. The American Apparel slim slack used to be my go-to skinnys, but the quality of the jeans is simply crap. I swear by after 3 washes, the original color fades to a good two shades down from its original color. I have 3 pairs of these slim slacks and they have all suffered the same fate as the previous slacks - color fades and the pocket stitches slowly tear apart (but not completely).

Levi's 510 has definitely hit the spot in terms of fit and price. The jeans sit a little lower on hips, tapers quite nicely below the knee hugging my calves at an appropriate level of tightness. Also, the selection of washes on the 510s are just incredible! I picked up what looks like a raw denim wash, and I've been wearing it almost everyday. At about $90 CAD, you can pick them up at Urban Outfitters, Holt Renfrew, Levi's store, and I think even at selected Bay department stores. Even if you don't like the super skinny fit, go make your dad (and me) proud by getting yourself an original pair of Levi's jeans!

The Folk is strong in this One

Being the faux indie kid that I am (or posing to be), I stumbled upon these guys while attempting to fulfill my “quota” for “new and obscure” indie music. However, to my surprise, Bowerbirds are not “new” by hipster/indie/pitchfork standards nor is it obscure. By this point, if I were truly ‘indie’ snobster material, Bowerbirds would be nonexistent in my Itunes library for it weren’t so, I would committing the one thing that every indie hipster fears the most – not being the first to brag to their friends about how they “found” this new super cool band/singer-songwriter/rapper.

Well I stop rambling now and I’ll begin by enlightening you folks with a little bit of background information about who these wonderful dudes are. Hailing from Raleigh, North Carolina, Bowerbirds is actually a boyfriend and girlfriend duo (Awww cute I know) consisting of Beth Tacular (yes that is her real name…bethtacular!) on accordion, vocals and the occasional bass drum, and Phil Moore on guitar and lead vocals. Their current drummer right now is I believe a fellow named Matt Damron. BUT that’s not important – what is important of course is the obscenely orgasmic, sensual and sublime melodies that they play.

As of now, Bowerbirds have released two LPs. The most recent entitled ‘Upper Air’ features probably their most famous song “Northern Lights”, which an absolutely amazing tune to listen to either while studying, walking down the busy streets of Toronto, or simply laying down on your bed (Bonus points if you have another chick with you – TEEHEE). Moore’s soft, Americana folk style timbre creates soundscapes of evergreen trees, lost love and spiritual redemption that, if completely immersed, can be just what you need at the end of the day.

The first LP “Hymns for a Dark Horse” is definitely more diverse than its folkier progeny “Free Air”. The jazzy, world music-influenced “In Our Talons” displays both nice accordion work from Tacular, and exceptional lyrics from Moore, which is both gentle and taunting (We're only human/ This at least we've learned). The oddly timed and hypnotic “Dark horse” is somewhat reminiscent of songs from the next album, but retains the unique flavour of this wonderful album through its deep drum and acoustic riffs that screams Death Cab for Cutie meets Andrew Bird. Definitely a richer album and is currently one my personal favourite albums.

So If you like other folk artists like Feist, Bon Iver, or simply want to try you luck out with folk for the first time, then I highly recommend Bowerbirds for your listening needs, particularly their most recent album, “Free Air”. It’s not as “experimental” as their first album, but still retains the unique flavour of the folky, Americana sound of the Bowerbirds. I hope you indulge yourself with this new found knowledge and pay it forward without being an indie snob!

Freshly squeezed

Actual picture of me being born circa 1988.

As much as I hate the annoying sprawl of random and useless social networking websites (most notably twitter), I do have a innate need to voice out my thoughts and opinions and online blogging seems to be a good way to do that. Topics of my blogs have yet to be decided, but as of right now i think i'll focus on things that i feel make my life what it is - music, fashion, and observations of human behaviour and relationships. I doubt many of you will actually get something out of this, but if you do well then...good for you.